Last Chance
This will be the last post for a few days, as manana me and Grams head north, and post this post, I will be dropping off the cable box. Net Zero dial-up posting will resume Saturday.
I'm of two minds about my experience here at Deadwood. First, these places are a great invention of the market. They provide a safe environment for our older Americans to live out their final years without having to stay at a nursing home, or a worse institution, or feel that they are being a burden on squeezed family members. As we become busier and busier, these people want to see their offspring succeed, and sacrifice closeness, as well as family squabbles.
Every case is different, as my own situation shows. Most people can't take nearly six months out of their lives to just 'hang out' and observe. I've been very lucky to have been able to spend this time with my own Grandmother, as an adult grandchild, though it hasn't been a cakewalk. Watching my Mother self destruct with jealousy, ruin her relationship with me and her own Mother, and attempt to (and succeed in at least two cases) ruin my relationship with other family members and friends, in a word, sucked. But it also showed me forcibly that my impressions as a child of my family life, and my memories of them as less than idyllic, weren't that far off base. If I can't have my Grandmother with me in California, I at least am able to keep her out of the clutches of her over-the-edge daughter, who seems to have some, shall we say, "Mother" issues. So much for public group therapy.
My second mind observes part of a large cultural shift. So much has changed in my own short life. The issues of family that we are dealing with, the changing of definitions and language, the role of gender, the attempted repression of dialogue in the public discourse (being aptly addressed by the blogosphere, thank your deity of choice, or not), and in this case, the role and relevance of elders in society.
I don't know about historically, but since I've been around, the impression from my teachers and 'learned' books gave me the impression that the 'new' way is the best way. Just look at the mess our forebears have made of the past. We, on the other hand are modern and have new methods and 'science' at our disposal. The ancients even thought that the world was FLAT! They thought that demons possessed the mentally ill, and that you could read the future from dreams. Dumb old old people!
This attitude expresses itself scathingly in our institutions of education, and in the political realm in the phrase 'Dead White Men.' You can't get older than dead.
As I get ready to begin my journey across the country next month, leaving Grandma behind, I'll get to ponder my role in society. Not anything grand mind you, but exactly where do I stand? What is my (our) responsibility to Grandma (all the Grandmas, and even the Grandpas), how does the upcoming change in the meaning of 'marriage' change responsibilities toward a brand new set of Grandma and Grandmas, or Grandpa and Grandpas? Will there be a backlash farther down the road? Hey, somebody's got to ponder these things, and the comments are open.
And now, so's I can get back to the old folk's home before my Grandma cuts me out of the will, I present K.
K is one of the loveliest persons in the 'wood. Again, very conscious of her appearance, as we've mentioned is the norm here, and always a nice word to say about everybody. This should be a good thing, but K was attacked by another to remain nameless resident that spread rumors about her that she badmouthed said unnamed resident. K lost her place at the card table, and a couple of friends in the process, and is an example of how human nature doesn't change as we get older, and not necessarily wiser.
K is also, like many of the residents, in constant physical pain. My own Granny is on two very potent pain medications herself, and would be bedridden without them. K also misses her family greatly. When her daughter comes to get her for an outing, the joy is palpable, and she gushes about how she and her daughter have such a relationship that they could spend forever together and not have a single argument. The unasked question is, "why not make it happen?"
This picture is post-scandal, and her smile is a measure of her stoicness and character in the face of much personal pain. I will miss her, and all of the other incredible characters that I've met here, including an amazing staff that is enduring the same kind of things that all working stiffs endure, with the added burden of caring for people that others no longer can.
