Weekend Update
All right then. The past few weeks have seen me become acquainted with the world of “produce,” thanks to the good strikers from our local grocery chain Ralph’s. I spent last week on the evening crew that wanders to and fro amongst the various stores fixing the produce departments. I had no idea of the variety of fruits and vegetables that we sell in the major supermarket chains.
In my microscopic experience I figured that items such as Bok Choy (of which I had never heard, and is seemingly ubiquitous here) would be found at the specialty Asian markets, and that disappointment over having merely Hawaiian Papayas instead of the Mexican variety would be reserved for Senor Valdez at the neighborhood bodega. I’ve never even tasted a papaya, never mind being cognizant of the difference between the two, or how they are grown, or when the prime-picking season is, or when they are ripe for eating. I do know when they go bad now. That, in effect, is my job. Get rid of the bad papayas.
Back in my own store, the effect of having seen well-run produce departments made my eyes glaze over. Whereas I knew before my compressed training that when stuff was smelly, slimy, bug infested or otherwise icky, you should oughta throw it out. I didn’t realize how decimated my own department was until I saw an Aquafina display take up the entire case that should be occupied by the aforementioned papayas and other not so exotic fruits. The humanity. Ergo, lots of work in store.
Here’s a [get ready for bad pun] ‘ripe’ example of what I have in front of me as I race back and forth from the fridge to the trash to just keep my department fresh. Customer, “Which apple is the sweetest one between the Jonah Gold and the Gala?” The what-and-who, you may ask? I usually eat “apples.” I’ve heard of the McIntosh, I’m writing this stuff on (a misspelled) one right now. I’ve even heard of Red Delicious, though only distantly and never registering a conscious thought pattern. Now I’m aware of there being three types of Gala apples; regular (or simply Gala), Large, and Royal. I’ve not seen different Jonah Golds, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any, but I’ve never knowingly tasted either of them.
As my capacity to bullshit ramped up, and I steered him toward the McIntosh section, I realized that I had no clue, and the fact that this guy knew about there being different kinds of apples in the first place, with differing characteristics, taste, bite, skin, texture, cooking properties, sizes, colors-you get it-I told him that being that I was now newly minted ‘King of the Produce Department,’ that he could take a bite of each, to make up his own mind. It may have been the red color in my face, or that he thought that he had died and gone to apple heaven, but he laughed and said that he would buy a sample of both. I have a lot of sampling to do myself.
I’ve had more than my share of ‘careers.’ I’ve been in warehousing and distribution, appliance repair, industrial design, cooking (can’t you tell?), toys, taxis, retail, books, clerk, secretary, receptionist, retail, Hollywood props, 3D scanning, gas station attendant, bla bla bla. This produce thing, however, mundane as it sounds, could prove to be interesting. It’s portable, worldwide, choc-o-block full of never ending information, hands-on, and I get to meet chicks. In their own element: shopping. And food is kind of sexy to boot. Go no further than your recent TV commercial showing a lithe young female riding a mechanical bull, while eating a damn hamburger to illustrate.
I want to personally thank the rank and file union members, their union bosses, the local and national Democratic parties, and the ‘Say “No” to Corporate Greed’ sign-carrying people of all stripes for giving me this opportunity to learn a new and interesting trade, at nearly eighteen dollars an hour. I still may not have health care, but I may start eating healthier.
