Still Absorbed
I just went back to the last three September archives on this blog and found what I thought I remembered; that I don't do 9/11 well. As usual I didn't plan anything today either, just thought I would catch the vibe and write.
Though it wasn't listed in the schedule for my local cable provider last night, I finally found an ABC feed for the Path to 9/11 movie and caught the last 30-40 minutes (I don't watch much TV and have no idea where the channels are). I'll see the rest of it tonight, as now I know where to find it (channel 69 for those of you with Amnet in Costa Rica. It's a Colorado station).
I had discovered blogs not long before September 2001, and was pretty excited about them. I eventually talked two friends of mine into participating in a group blog called Ranting Troika (I think), which lasted all of a couple of months, if that. They both went on to do their own thing, as I did mine. Jim has made a real go of his, and Pieter has just reestablished his until recently dormant blog. *
As for my initial solo attempts, I cringe to think there's a Google cache out there somewhere. My head after 9/11 was pretty spun, and what came out on the blog was pretty lame and emotional. But it did get me writing. Over the years I've been discovering my limitations as a writer, which is humiliating. One would hope to focus more on growth, but it's also good to know what you can't do. Of course that hasn't stopped me.
Where am I now, 5 years later? I'm out of the country doing what I want to do. I didn't leave the country because I was afraid, or that I was unhappy with Bush and the stifling of dissent. I just did it because I wanted to, and I'll return when I feel like it. I think that's pretty damned American. I'm also in a Latin American country that is prone to anti-Americanism. I'll tell anyone who will listen that I voted for W twice, and ask if they want to know why? Mostly they don't. It's a lot to wrap their heads around.
Funny though, I've met plenty of Republicans here. The Lefties spend most of their time on the letters pages of the local English language rag. They rag on the US and nag the locals to fix things. My favorite recent rant was about a tuna farm they are thinking of opening on the west coast. The writer made the usual remarks about hurting the dolphins, then let his real feeling out when he said it would ruin his view. He promised not to vacation here anymore if they went through with building it. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya.
As such, I don't mix with the local gringos much, and tend to do my own thing. I've built and started a business, which is doing about as well as I expected, but as with most businesses, who knows if it will eventually succeed? If it does, great. If it doesn't, I've got plan 'B' to head south to Brazil and start again. Another language to mangle. We'll see.
But as for what has really happened in five years, I'm still trying to figure it out. Not that I don't know what happened on that day and who was responsible for it, but in trying to figure out the happenings since then socially, I find that I'm lost. I find it hard to digest the ravings from Democratic side, which has just distilled itself into pure irrelevance by throwing Joe Lieberman overboard for blasphemy. Instead of recognizing and fighting the 'enemy,' they are fighting over politics. I can't see how they lived through the same day that I did and have come to the conclusions they have.
For me the facts are laid out plain as day, and like many people I've constantly read and researched history and current events to better help me better understand, and perhaps enable me to add something positive. I'm not a historian or sociologist, but I do know that we need to grok what is going on in order to salvage the idea of living in freedom. What an old-fashioned word, no?
I'm not worried as much about the war 'over there' as I am worried about the war 'over here.' The Iraqis and Afghanis know whom they're fighting and they know what is at stake. I can't say the same about the West. We need a sane political opposition and the Democratic leadership is not providing it. Conspiracy theories do not a plan make, and just saying 'no' louder and louder is simply infantile, not rising to the level even of immature. We have to speak around the failing leadership to the people that instinctively reject the 'Republican' agenda and hope that somebody in the leadership gets the hint.
I'm still angry. I'm still sad. I'm still struggling to do something useful while realizing that I can't do much. I'm still absorbed in the debate.
* (I notice that Jim recounts, I think for the first time on the blog, where he was and what he was doing on Sept. 11. He doesn't mention that his wife was in the city, although uptown and away from the disaster.)
